In-lightened Enterprises - Midlife Blog

Gratitude is about living in the present moment. When we’re not noticing all the good that’s in our lives, we often keep striving to achieve more, be more, get more. Or sometimes we’re locked into the past, into what didn’t work for us then. Holding onto wounds and feeling angry or hurt by past events and people victimizes us and keeps us from the present. It takes away our power. Actually we take away our own power.

When we’re in the middle of a bad experience, sometimes we don’t feel like there’s anything to be grateful for. But the negative thoughts and energy we are experiencing can be transformed or neutralized by introducing gratitude & forgiveness practices into our lives.

Sarah Ban Breathnach offers a simple exercise in her book Simple Abundance. Her idea is to write down 5 things we are grateful for each day, either in the morning or at night. The items don’t have to be earthshaking, she says, rather they can be as simple as giving thanks for a comfortable bed at the end of a difficult day.

This exercise works for anyone. It can make a good life better, and can go a long way towards changing our energy if and when we get into negativity. Sometimes people approach life from a “glass is half-empty” philosophy. This simple exercise can open our eyes to the positive that is all around us.

I’ve begun a new practice: When I feel a qualm about anything, whether it be my writing, my client sessions, an upsetting thought about a relationship, I immediately go into a place of gratitude. It works immediately, like a charm. This was recommended to me by my friend, Judith Onley, who recently stayed with us for a week. Her healing work is described on her website, Dance with Spirit.

Best of all, gratitude somehow creates a space, an opening for more good things to come into our lives. You’ve heard the expression, ‘like attracts like’. Well the wonderful energy of our gratitude continually draws more positivity to us. So find something small or large to be grateful for today!

Women’s Web is pleased to share with its readers books written by women, for women, and about women. Women of the Silent Generation—those born between 1925 and 1944—may not be going silently into the night. In fact, they’re still doing it, still loving it, and getting better at it.

Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over Sixty

Women of the Silent Generation may not be going silently into the night.

According to the NIH National Institute on Aging US age pyramid, projections are that in 2030, there will be 33.75 million women but only 29.25 million men between the age of 65 and 84. In other words, older women will continue to experience the same “partner gap” as today in finding eligible men after divorce, death of a husband, or having never been married.

Despite the imbalance, we might learn from the experiences of some women of the Silent Generation—those born between 1925 and 1944—who have decided to explore new ways of living, showing us that despite those prevailing stereotypes of the elderly with bath chairs and canes, the golden years are for many just that: golden.

Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women over Sixty (Avery, October 2008) celebrates the lives of some of the daring, outspoken and sensual women of the Silent Generation who are actively embracing new challenges, new careers, and new types of romantic relationships and sexual experiences. Based on extensive interviews and research by authors Deirdre Fishel and Diana Holtzberg, producers of the award-winning documentary film of the same name, the book explores the lives and loves of an incredible group of women in their 60s, 70s and older—women who are confident and wise and willing to take on risks—and relationships—they may never have imagined, whether with much younger men, multiple partners, or other women.

Among those we meet are

• Harret Somers Zerling, age 80, a bohemian and artist with a penchant for younger men. Though mostly straight, she was also the one-time lover of Susan Sontag.
• Lainie Cook, 66, a beauty sings the blues at Joe’s Pub in New York City.
• Elaine Isom, 81, a funny and high-spirited African-American woman and great-grandmother who still feels sexual, despite two bouts with cancer.
• Shelley Leinhardt, 66, an intensely fit and gorgeous woman who left her husband in her fifties to join the rocky world of singledom. She recently returned from doing humanitarian work in Africa.
• Marnie Hensel, 76, a champion skier into her seventies before switching gears to earn her Masters in health coaching. She’s jumped out of a plane and has 6 grandchildren and a new boyfriend 15 years her junior.

As women continue to live longer and healthier lives, their appetite for sex is slow to fade and for many, sex is an essential part of their well-being. The women in this book have raised kids, been in long-term relationships, lost spouses, been divorced, come out of the closet, and even found love in the nursing home, but they are all living life on their own terms. Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women over Sixty takes on myths and misconceptions and provides the tools and inspiration for women of all ages—partnered, single, straight or gay—to reinvent themselves, enjoy their bodies and take risks at all stages in life. Stimulating and eye-opening, this book shows that older women are still doing it, still loving it, and still getting better at it.

Nothing directly to do with midlife - but this story was so great, I wanted

to share it..   Life is so much more than we know.

Every Friday, we buy a bag of groceries for a number of families in
our Work-For-Food Program. On one particular Friday, we set a clear
intention to provide the groceries - even though we didn’t have the
cash to do it. To make things even more exciting, we had been
without a telephone dial tone for several days, and were waiting for
the phone company to fix it.

So it was fun later that morning when the phone rang.

The call came from a couple we had never met, but who were traveling
from San Jose, the capitol city, to Puerto Viejo. “I saw on your
website that you provide bags of food”, the husband said. “If you
give us a shopping list, we’ll buy them here and bring them down
today.” Nanci gave him the shopping list, and hung up the phone.

We picked up the phone a few minutes after the call. No dial tone.

The groceries arrived, and the families got their much-needed food.

The phone company fixed the line on Monday.

Loaves, fishes, and SOM kind of utility.

Barry Stevens
Co-Director Study Group Costa Rica
Co-Founder, El Puente - The Bridge
The Bridge provides educational assistance, food assistance, and
microloans mainly to indigenous people in the southeastern part of
Costa Rica. Our goal is to help people help themselves to self-
sufficiency.
See us at http://www.elpuente-thebridge.org

One day my father, as a young man, came home from work to find the apartment cleaned out of furniture and swept clean. His wife (not my mother) was gone. Needless to say, reconciliation wasn’t an option. I also know of a woman who was so alienated from her husband that, from time to time, he’d come down to breakfast and find a note on the kitchen table saying, “Gone.” She’d reappear after a week or so traveling or visiting family. Seldom do you hear of men doing the ‘cut and run’ routine. As a matter of fact, the more frequent story tells the story of men who who have become obsessed with the object of their affections.

By Elizabeth Gilbert

Photo: Deborah Lopez
Absolute certainty is not something I strive for anymore. I’ve learned the hard way that destiny usually looks upon our most strident convictions with amusement, or perhaps even pity. (Oh, those silly humans! So desperate for their absolutes!) Sometimes it seems like the only job of the world is to gently (or not so gently) separate us from our deepest assurances, exposing us once again to that ultimate moral teaching tool: humility.

Of course, it’s not always a pleasant experience to have our certainties stripped away. Sureness is something like a neck brace, which we clamp around our lives, hoping to somehow protect ourselves from the frightening, constant whiplash of change. Sadly, the brace doesn’t always hold. I could list for you a tragicomic litany of all the things I was once mistakenly completely certain about, and I’m sure you can do the same. Maybe you, too, were once absolutely sure that you’d found your great love, or your final best friend, or the perfect mentor, meditation, or medication that would—once and for all—never fail you. And then? Slowly, it seems, we are not so sure after all. Such is our slippery toehold here on Earth, and so it has always been.

Perhaps it is for this reason that the people we instinctively turn to in times of trouble are those who—we sense—have made space within their convictions for doubt and mystery. Compassion grows best, it appears, in the soft spots beneath quiet surrender. So I try very hard to go easy on the firm conclusions. These days I settle for feeling only 85 percent sure about most things, most of the time. I believe this is keeping me sane, and I also believe that it’s keeping me human. In fact, I’m 85 percent sure of it.

Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of Eat, Pray, Love (Penguin).

Submitted by Wesley

As the stock market endures record plummets, job losses sky rocketing, housing prices free falling and the world entering into recession, spending money on others might be the furthest thing on your find. But if you can manage to do so, it might be the surest path to a much needed happiness boost. However recent Canadian-led research, published in the prestigious journal Science, says that spending your money on other people makes you happier than spending it on yourself.

Researchers have long shown that (unless people are exceptionally poor) getting more money brings surprisingly small gains in positive feelings. This has led to the hypothesis that the happiness “holdback” was not inherent in money itself but instead with what people did with their money (which not surprisingly is spend it on possessions for themselves). Specifically:

Recent surveys, the study notes, have shown people in Western societies have experienced few gains in their overall happiness level over the past several decades, despite a dramatic surge in real income.

Previous research also suggests that any money earned above the amount needed to cover basic needs generally buys little in the way of extra joy, even when it is used to purchase expensive cars and baubles.

“We suggest that how people spend their money may be at least as important as how much money they earn,” the study says.

These results are not surprising to Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the book “Happier” and teacher of the positive psychology course on happiness that is Harvard’s most popular class, who noted “There’s so much benefit to the person who contributes to others that I often think that there is no more selfish act than a generous act.”

For more on happiness read LifeTwo’s week-long series of “How to be Happier.” We also suggest regular reading of Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project” blog.

When you look in the mirror, do you see an old, unattractive person who wonders why anyone would give them a second glance—or an incredibly sexy and desirable human being ready to be embraced by the world? Today’s leading women’s health and wellness expert Dr. Christiane Northrup has someone she wants you to meet—the NEW YOU! Start your engines and discover that at midlife and menopause, life has just begun— in her new wildly captivating and simply inspiring new book The Secret Pleasures of Menopause. So, when was the last time you indulged in something FUN just for you? Read on . . .

We humans were born to experience unlimited pleasure and joy. It’s our birthright. Pursuing pleasure and also allowing ourselves to receive it on a regular basis are absolutely essential to creating and maintaining vibrant physical and emotional health. That’s right—the pursuit of good feelings is not an indulgence. It’s a life-affirming necessity! Pleasure in all its many forms literally stokes our life force (our chi or prana ) in the way we’d stoke a fire by throwing another log onto it.

Think about the last time you really steeped yourself in something pleasurable—when you took that positive feeling right into your bone marrow. Maybe it was savoring a bite of gourmet chocolate, the smell of salt air at the beach, or an exquisite back rub. Everyone has a distinct pleasure profile, and you can count on your senses to let you know when you’ve dialed into yours. Remember the intensity of your pleasure. (If you can’t remember what it feels like to lose yourself in bliss, hang around a two-year-old for five minutes.) When you’re lost in the joy of pleasure, you are, in that very moment, renewing your cells, increasing your blood circulation, and creating health on all levels—body, mind, and spirit. In fact, you’re probably getting a healthful boost right now just imagining that wonderful experience all over again!

Another way to understand how potent pleasure is as a health enhancer is to imagine what happens when you aren’t feeling any of it. Think about a time when you were totally burned out. You probably felt like you were running on empty, right? Guess what? You were! It wasn’t just energy you were lacking; it was vital life force. Compare them in this way: Energy is what it takes to get through the day. Vital life force is what it takes to put spring in your step as you get through the day. See the difference?

Because pleasure fuels your life force, you’re naturally drawn to it by Divine design. Your body is actually programmed for joy! But before I go any further, let me explain what pleasure is not. Pleasure isn’t getting drunk or high and doing things that will embarrass you the next day; and it doesn’t mean renouncing your family and job to go live in a spa or escape to a desert island. Even though cutting loose once in a while can provide you with a temporary high that relieves tension, getting high, drunk, or going on a sugar binge won’t provide you with sustained pleasure—or vibrant health. Most likely, you’ll end up feeling worse. Avoiding responsibility and being physically, emotionally, or even financially reckless actually undermines your ability to maintain positive feelings.

When I recommend the pursuit of pleasure, I’m talking about learning how to recognize and value the things that bring you lasting joy, and then bringing them into your life deliberately on a regular basis. Think of it this way: Your body itself was conceived in orgasm—the most exquisite pleasure humans are capable of experiencing. From that perspective, how could pleasure not play a vital role in the optimal functioning of your body?

If you haven’t read anything yet by Dr. Christiane Northrup, get ready to be amazed! This visionary pioneer and beloved authority in women’s health and wellness knows what she’s talking about—and she’ll shake up your traditional beliefs and aim you toward the most vibrant health you’ve ever experienced. She’s the author of the New York Times Bestsellers Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom (the book Oprah says she keeps handy on her nightstand!) and The Wisdom of Menopause. Following a 25-year career in both academic medicine and private practice, Dr. Northrup now devotes her time to helping women (and the men who love them) flourish on all levels through tapping into their inner wisdom.

by hlesbrown
For the uninitiated, the midlife crisis seems inexplicable. Why would someone who should be really happy behave so erratically? There’s the key, though: they should be really happy . . . but they’re not! Even those closest to the midlife sufferer are apt to be shocked and confused because there’s no discernible reason they can find to explain their friend or loved one’s erratic behavior. In addition, when they sit down to talk with the poor unfortunate, they don’t ever seem to get a straight answer. What they may not realize is that even the person him- or herself isn’t able to sort out what’s going on.

One of the core features of the midlife crisis consists of the inability to connect feelings with facts. And, the feelings that accompany the midlife transition can be very intense (as well as very negative). Getting up first thing in the morning and, before you know it, feeling like doo-doo inside only aggravates the situation. Sadly, the negative, free-floating emotions soon generate a low-grade, equally free-floating anger. Generally, when you experience such unattached emotions, your reaction tends to send you into self-doubt; self-doubt sends you into denial; denial spawns displaced anger (a bad day at work translates into anger at your spouse).

The midlife transition strikes at the core of your self-esteem. It casts all of your basic assumptions into question. It undermines whatever platform of stability that you’ve constructed for yourself. It dissociates your choices and decisions from expected rewards or punishments, pleasure or pain. You suddenly discover that, on one hand, no good deed goes unpunished, and, on the other hand, breaking the rules often has no consequences or even brings about some good results. At the same time, you come to the realization that all your planning and hard work has brought you to this point in your life, but, either you’re not quite sure where ‘this point’ really is in the big scheme of things, or where you are isn’t what you thought it’d be. Either way, you’re confused, disappointed and, above all, angry.

Nobody has ever told you that arriving at this juncture was a normal part of your evolution as a mature person. It feels as though the situation is out of control, you’ve no one to blame but yourself, and you have no idea how you got into this mess, let alone how to get out of it. Sure, you can find any number of people to blame (and you will), but all of your complaining and finger-pointing sounds strangely hollow and unconvincing. Deep down, you’re starting to feel that you know who’s responsible for this mess you’re in and you’re it! That’s not something our psyche (particularly as males) wants to deal with. So we’re left with free-floating anxiety generating free-floating anger that’s tending to explode randomly in all directions but achieving nothing (except making you feel even worse). On top of this all, you feel like you’re the only person in the world having to deal with this. It’s like puberty all over again, only worse, because you haven’t any explosive hormones to blame it on and nobody to offer excuses for you.

Depression, they say, is anger turned inward. No wonder you’re feeling depressed! At the same time, unrelieved anger is an emotion-blocker. As long as you’re stuck in the mire of free-floating anger, other emotions like true joy or sorrow simply can’t express themselves. Anger turns you into an emotional Johnny One-Note. You find yourself stuck like a prehistoric animal in the La Brea Tar Pits. That’s what a midlife crisis feels like. Yet, escape is surprisingly easy: once you’re aware of what’s really going on, and once you’ve come to accept that this experience is not only normal but a positive sign of growth, you can let the anger go. And, once the anger’s gone, you’re free: the crisis is over. Does it sound easy? In theory it is; in practice it takes some real work for you to get to true Midlife Mastery.

I highly recommend you’re going to www.abraham-hicks.com and watching the video of Abraham’s take on the current “economic crisis”. As soon as I figure out how to upload videos here, I’ll post it here.
Meanwhile. Do watch it and comment here, please.

How do you like hearing the words, Over the Hill? What is that supposed to mean? It has a ring that seems to say that life is on the decline. Yes, we hear that often. There are lots of jokes about how we decline with age rather than that we are finally reaching our potential and living the lives we have longed to live. Most of the people I know who have reached midlife might be considered over the hill if we think of the hill as the chase and the climb that we feel must take place when we are younger. Midlife becomes a time to stop the struggle and the need to get on top of it all.

Wayne Dyer has a new movie coming out - called Ambition to Meaning. This is what can happen to us when we reach midlife. We let go of the drive, the ambition to become something. We stop trying to amass things to make us feel important. We let go of the struggle, the striving and the belief that we are not enough. That’s the hill I wanted to get over and DID!

I truly believe that life is meant to be lived by inspiration rather than motivation. We are motivated to do more, be more, have more when we are younger. We work hard; We set goals; We continually look to the day when we’ll be “there”. Then, we discover that the ‘there’ isn’t what life is about - it’s the process. We learn to live in the present moment. No, not giving up dreams. But, knowing that who we have become in the process is so much more important than what we think we have to prove.

More to follow…lots more…. but, for now. I’d like to hear your comments….