In-lightened Enterprises - Midlife Blog

Isn’t that what we all want…to live a vibrant and successful life?

Celebrating ourselves is good for us. It’s good for our families, our friends and our communities - that positive energy is both life affirming and infectious. What better way to celebrate than to find little ways to indulge yourself and those you love? Women sometimes get so caught up in “taking care of” others that often we are the last to be cared for. Let’s start with taking care of ourselves and each other. Here are some suggestions to get you started. As you go though this list, write down the ones that speak to you, as well as the ones you think of in your journal.

What are you grateful for? Start a gratitude notebook (or section of your journal) and list all the things you are grateful for. Read it whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by life.

Plant a tree in honor of someone you care about. Better yet, plant an orchard.

Giving does wonders for yourself and others. Consider volunteering at your local school, senior center or library.

Do you have a tub? Candles? Some quiet piano music? Can you say “aahhh”?

Become a blood, organ and/or bone marrow donor.

Daydream! This is vitally important.

Manifest your life! Visualize what it is that you want. Get all the colors, smells and textures, emotions involved. Bring it to life. Remember we are what we think about.

Be in silence.

Send yourself flowers.

Exercise! Being physically fit is the ultimate way to vibrant living!

Make bubbles.

Invest in yourself (savings or retirement account, education)!

Go out into the night, away from the city lights and watch the meteor showers.

Be outrageous in all that you do.

Throw a party FOR your best friends.

Don’t wait for tomorrow.

Invite a special friend and splurge on a good meal.

Run through the sprinklers!

Find a photo booth in a mall and take some fun pictures of yourself.

Treat yourself to a spa day. Don’t forget the pedicure.

Learn to accept gifts from your friends.

Have breakfast in bed.

Have a belly laugh!

Curl up, in front of the fire, with hot chocolate and a really good book.

Volunteer at your local soup kitchen, food bank.

Adopt a park, beach, or community space in your town.

Be the first to venture outside after a snow storm.
(c)2004 Barbara C. Phillips

For over 26 years, Barbara C. Phillips, MN, NP has been involved in health care. Now, as the founder of OlderWiserWomen, LLC, that experience and passion is focused on Women who want to experience the freedom, magic and wisdom of successful aging. She can be reached through http://www.OlderWiserWomen.com

By H. Les Brown

In 1980, singer Grace Jones released her version of the song, “Love is the Drug” and it soon became a hit on the disco circuit. It’s true: though we don’t always think about it in those terms, love is a very potent drug. Who doesn’t love being high on love? To be sure, though, it’s not the only drug that successful men (and women) get themselves involved in. Work gives love a run for its money almost any day. After all, it’s a lot easier to get hooked on work, and it’s a lot harder to build up a tolerance to it. Then, of course, we mustn’t forget exercise and sports (both playing and watching) and, while we’re on the subject, TV and the internet, too. You’ve got to face it: the life of a successful man can be a trip from one high to the next, day after day.

Once you add to this mix caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, prescription and illegal drugs (whether they’re used occasionally or not-so-occasionally), the picture of the guy you see in the mirror may be fogging up a little. “But wait!” you may say. “How dare you put love, work, exercise, and entertainment in the same category as all these other things?” I’ll be more than happy to give you two simple reasons for my decision: 1) you can easily develop a dependency on any one or all of these things; and 2) they can all be used to serve the exact same purpose - to keep you from really feeling your feelings.

When you look at it that way, what’s your ‘drug of choice’? Which of these do you run to to ‘relax’ when things start getting out of hand? If you really want to find out the truth about yourself (and you’ve read along this far, so why not?), make yourself a written list of the things you use to ‘escape’ from the times you find your life wearing you down. One of these items on your list is probably your ‘drug of choice’, but how will you know for sure? Look at your list. Now ask yourself, if you were forced to give up one of these drugs, which one would hurt you the most? Think to yourself, “how would I feel if I could never do this thing again?” To be honest with you, this exercise has only a 50-50% chance of showing you the truth. That’s the case because, if you’re really badly addicted to something, you’ll most likely lie to yourself saying, “I could give this up any time I chose to; I just don’t choose to right now.”

Whether you know what your ‘drug(s) of choice’ is or not becomes a moot question when you enter fully into the midlife transition. You’ll know that this is happening because your drugs will stop working and those pesky emotions will start to seep through into your consciousness. The more you try to escape (and you may wind up trying multiple escape routes), the less effect your efforts will have on your feelings. At some point, if you’re capable of being really honest with yourself, you’ll look at yourself in the mirror (if you can still do that) and say, “I hate the person I’ve become; I hate what I’m doing; this isn’t working for me anymore.” If and when you embrace that experience fully, one day you’ll look back at that moment and realize that that’s when your transition really happened. That’s when your third (and ultimate) stage of life began.

The transition from being an adult (a child without parental constraints) to being a mature human being means quitting all the drugs and letting all the emotions (no matter how nasty they may feel) come through. Don’t worry: on the other side of the transition, you’ll still get a lot of enjoyment out of all the things you love to do; you just won’t have to do them any more. Before that can happen, though, you not only need to have the experience of seeing yourself in the mirror as the man you truly are, but you also need to feel what it’s like to be the man you’ve become. That’s why I call midlife the ‘antidote’. It invites you take that giant step out of the fog of senseless self-delusion and into the cold, but crisp and clear, air of the real world.

I want to stress here that midlife can only present you with an invitation. Nobody can force you to step outside of your drug-induced hallucinations. Regardless of how painful withdrawal from these ‘medications’ may be, you’re always free to run and find a new ‘drug of choice’ that can replace the ones that aren’t working for you anymore - however temporary those new escapes may be. You always have that choice, nobody can take it away from you (’fix’ you) and nobody can do it for you. In this case, you’re very much on your own.

What’s at stake here? If you don’t mind the use of the term, it’s nothing short of your soul. Define that any way you choose. By ’soul’ I mean (at the very least) the person you were destined to become and the contribution you were put here to make. It’s the core purpose behind every breath that you draw. To run away from your core purpose means nothing short of denying your own personal essence and, therefore, emptying your life of any meaning it could have (and should have) had.

No doubt, you’ll find me a powerful advocate for that mature, dedicated, purposeful, contented man inside you who’s struggling to get out. Every step you take down the road of Midlife Mastery brings you closer to him. Every drug you let go of makes him more real: more present. Yet, you have a much stronger advocate than I right in front of you. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can point your spirit guide out to you (and I think that’s my most powerful role). Your primary advocate through the pain of your midlife transition is none other than your future self. If you were to project yourself 20 years into the future and look back on the you of today, what would you tell him? What advice would you give him? What would you scold him about? What would you be most proud of him for? What would you be most disappointed in him about?

Someday - way sooner than you may like to imagine - you will be that man. The choices you make today . . . right now . . . will determine how you you’re going to feel about yourself when that day comes. That future you is a very, very important person with a very significant contribution to make to this world of ours. You have a choice. Don’t let him down.

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC

ProActivation® Coaching

Website: http://www.ProActivation.com

E-Mail: [mailto:info@ProActivation.com]info@ProActivation.com

Join our weekly EZine (Midlife Matters) and get 7 Spiritual Strategies at no cost: [http://www.proactivation.org]Click Here to Subscribe

Copyright © 2008 H. Les Brown

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=H._Les_Brown http://EzineArticles.com/?Midlife-is-the-Antidote&id=1488265

This past weekend I attended the Hay House event, I CAN DO IT in Tampa, FL.  Marianne Williamson’s talk on Midlife, comparing our personal growth and change to what is happening in our world was awesome.  She gave us all hope and reminded us that we all went through criseses in our younger years and we are here to tell about it.  The doom and gloom in our ‘economy’ and threats of terror are the world’s indication that it is going through puberty!!  Interesting concept — and very stirring message.  If you get a chance to listen to it, I highly recommend it.  Check out Hay House offerings.  If you haven’t read Marianne’s latest book, The Age of Miracles, I also highly recommend that.  My new book is a bit different from Marianne’s — because our experiences have been different — but the basic message is similar — change is not only possible, it is inevitable. And as Barbara Marx Hubbard always says, “our crisis is our birth.”  It’s time to be re-born.

I’m reading Marianne Williamson’s latest book again and it’s helping to evoke some of my own ideas about midlife. Her life and mine have been very different and while we are on similar paths, we come to some different conclusions or at least different viewpoints.

It’s made me wonder about what YOUR viewpoints on midlife are or have been? I’m writing these days on Messages that Women, in particular, have received about midlife.

As an example, I like to watch makeover shows — -not the extreme ones — but, things like What Not to Wear and How Do I Look. While I usually like those shows and love the way they help women with their self-esteem, one thing I noticed is that everyone they work with is YOUNG…. say 20 -30 mostly. Many times, when one of them isn’t dressing well, they say to her — You look 60! EEKS — I find myself cringing at the thought that that’s how these fashion icons see 60 year olds. I’ve passed 60 and I pride myself on the way I dress. I want to be a mentor and a model for what is possible.

What about you? What message do you see out there about being a midlife woman (or older?) Please post your comments here…You’ll be helping yourself as well as those who are following us in a better world!

To find the system that I used to create this mind movie:

go to: http://www.mindmovies.com/?&aff_id=17035&camp_id=553

The system is on a half-price sale right now - and is VERY WORTH IT…

Check it out… Your subconscious will thank you!
Dr. Toni

Aging Well: Building a Legacy for the Future

By Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal

                                              www.directawakening.com

Have you ever thought that giving your life to what you do best might help you feel the weight of the years much less? It sounds implausible, but if you think about it, we are all special. All of us have something to pass on to others, so that the best of us lives on. Even if we don’t think we have them, all of us can discover and utilize our unique talents, skills, aptitudes, and character—whether we are 35 or 65– to make a life-enriching difference. Even if we are not Mother Teresa or Albert Einstein, we may well be an extraordinary partner, parent, grandparent, or friend, without really knowing it. Or we may be that artist or teacher who can ignite the spark of enthusiasm and adventure in those who will be here after we are gone. Shakespeare lays down the challenge as he says,

Look in the mirror and tell the face thou viewest

Now is the time that face should form another.

If you are interested not just in the undirected path of life, but in consciously leaving a legacy that will enrich lives you touch, here are four ways you can start right away:

 1)   Reflect on what about you should be shared and passed on: there is a Japanese saying that whatever we do, we should think how it will affect people ten generations later. When Bill and Melinda Gates made the change from profit to charitable giving, they found the world needed not just their wealth; it needed their own time and care, to place the resources exactly where they would make a long term difference. Most of us aren’t blessed with such wealth, but the process is the same. Think about it: whether it is qualities we possess or work we perform, how can we devote more time and attention to furthering the best in us, rather than frittering our precious energy on what will not matter, when we are no more?  My grandpa went through this reflection process when he retired and realized his real gift was his carpentry skills. He set about spending every spare minute giving freely to his community, where the door he crafted or window he replaced brings him lovingly to mind even today. Whether you write, act, paint, garden, do childcare work or political organizing, think as you create just how what you do may reach out into the future.

2)   Spend concentrated time with your kids and grandkids: society today gives us the message that material success trumps family bonds. But in leaving a legacy, it’s the people closest who are most likely to remember us. I am not just talking about saving for your kids’ college fund or providing amply for grandkids in your will, important as these are. We are remembered with much more fondness if we show the young our deepest love and closest attention. This usually entails hard choices, because all of us feel strapped for time. You may have to make hard choices like refusing to serve on a key committee, and instead be there for your granddaughter’s soccer season, or to help your son rehearse lines for his play. Our kids need us, more even than their peers, and more than they need great achievements in school or sports. This means being there for them from the very beginning. The love you give so freely will not just bring you continually to mind; the best part of you will live on in them.

3)   Be free in sharing as you work: many people have impressive things to show for the time they have spent improving their skills. You may have started a now flourishing company, become a leading craftsperson or artist, or helped the less fortunate through charitable work. But many such successful people know just what to do to succeed but don’t share very much. Trouble is, if you alone know your style of accomplishment, you will be a solo act, which will end with you. Even if it slows you down and changes your style, let others in. Whether you are a CEO or a painter, bring others aboard as you work and try to share your secrets with them. They will then have a lot more personal stake in the outcome, and when they work successfully in the future, they will think of you and continue what you have started.

4)    Delve into the heart of all: When you ponder where best to put your time and attention, give greatest value to what fits into a greater scheme, bigger than all of us. To do this, I find a spiritual practice helpful. Meditation, for instance, slows down the feverish pace of thought and allows an arrow’s entryway into a consciousness that is not just us, but everyone. If we attempt every day to bathe in that greater source of life and support, we will understand better just where to route all possible action into what will build our legacy. It may be the trees you plant; the art you paint, sculpt, write, or build; or the minds you enrich. And paradoxically, our own aging matters less when we pour ourselves into people and things that will in their own way continue us. If we search out just what will and put our efforts there, we will not only see how our face can leave an everlasting imprint– we may also not even realize we are growing old.

About the Author:

Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of  The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation.He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran’s edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University. Dr. Ruppenthal is an international workshop leader in passage meditation and in courses for those looking for end of life spiritual care and for the spiritual step component of twelve step programs. Visit Stephen’s work at  www.directawakenings.com.

I’ve been re-reading an old favorite, “You Money or Your Life” and am reminded of something I truly believe. Most of us don’t know when enough is enough. I, for one, never think I am doing enough…with the emphasis on the doing.

Midlife gives us the opportunity to pause and  begin to recognize that  what truly mattes in life, are not the things we’ve done or the gadgets we’ve accumulated, but the person we have become. I like who I am. I like who I am becoming. Do I HAVE it all?  No - nor do I think that’s a goal anymore.

I’m in the process of clearing out - cleaning out old clothes to make room for a new look I am developing. Cleaning out old journals - because they really only capture the moment they were written in, and that moment is no longer important.

Sometimes I grieve for those old moments. Grieving is an important part of moving forward, I believe. But, the grief is simply meant to be acknowledged and noticed and not lived from. I am living from my future - and it is constantly containing newness - different from the young girl who danced and sang. Different from the student and the poet. But, none the less special. I am learning to honor this new moment.  I am grateful. Are you?

Today I heard a lecture from someone who used to work with Tony Robbins. I want to share a process he shared with us. I think it fits in my latest midlife musings.

For anything to happen in life, for a true Midlife Reinvention,
you need to take it through several stages before setting goals:
Get Clear
Get Certain
Get Excited
Get Focused
Get Committed
Get Momentum
Get Smart

You can probably fill in the meaning of each of these. Let’s share our ideas on this. You know how I feel about getting clear! It’s what I focus on with all my coaching clients. It’s step one…and two and three..